Oscars Fashion Report: Ben Affleck Looked More Handsome Than Ever, Wrapped In...
The red carpet has never been hotter! Our fashion experts pick out their favorite looks, including Ben Affleck wrapped in a stylish George Clooney.
View ArticleWinter Storm Rocky Expected To Hit Kevin Hodges Of Joliet, IL Hardest After...
Meteorologists say the blizzard pummeling the Midwest is expected to devastate Illinois resident Kevin Hodges given everything he's been going through lately.
View ArticleTransportation Secretary LaHood Hoarding Traffic Cones, Stop Signs In Advance...
Transportation Secretary Ray LaHood is being proactive in the face of his department's potential budget cuts by scouring the country for road signs, traffic lights, and other unattended resources...
View ArticleGod: At Times It Felt Like The Pope Had One Foot Out The Door
The Divine Creator of All Things addressed a throng of dedicated fans on his troubled working relationship with the former Pope.
View ArticleGirls Gone Wild Bankruptcy Forces Thousands Of Wet, Wild Party Girls Into...
Experts are blaming Girls Gone Wild’s recent bankruptcy on the company’s business model of employing their hot, horny coeds full time.
View ArticleRomney Blames Loss On Successfully Communicating His Message To Minorities
In his first televised interview since the election, Mitt Romney said his bid for the White House was doomed by his ability to effectively and honestly convey his opinions to minority voters.
View ArticleObama Issues Presidential Pardon To Get Biden Out Of Jail For Third Time This...
The President was forced to exercise his clemency powers to free Joe Biden last week after the Vice President called the White House at 3 AM from a prison pay phone.
View ArticleShady New Wendy's Deal Offering Five Hamburgers For Free, No Questions Asked
The fast-food chain has rolled out a suspicious new promotion selling five hamburgers for zero dollars.
View ArticleJames Holmes’ Arraignment Delayed As Court Struggles To Remember Which Mass...
Court officials complain that it’s too difficult to keep track of every massacre and that recalling one from all the way back in July of 2012 is almost impossible.
View ArticlePope Francis Resigns
The Catholic world was rocked today as 76-year-old Pope Francis I announced plans to step down at the end of the month.
View ArticlePaul Ryan's Unsettling Budget Plan Reveals He Cuts His Own Hair
Congressman Ryan is defending his extreme budget plan, which includes proposals that Americans make their own toothpaste and cut their own hair, just like he does.
View ArticleTen Years Later, Cheney Haunted By People He Didn't Manage To Kill In Iraq War
In a rare, candid interview, former Vice President Dick Cheney admitted he regrets that he couldn’t produce more casualties in the decade-long conflict.
View ArticlePhysicists Confirm They Have Found And Killed The 'God Particle'
CERN researchers confirm that they have finally identified the elusive Higgs Boson particle and destroyed it forever.
View ArticleJessica Simpson Goes On Tour To Promote The Novel She Read
The pregnant starlet has finished reading her long-awaited first book and is currently traveling the country to promote the John Grisham thriller to her fans.
View ArticleObama Aims To Limit Civilian Casualties With Switch To Taser Drones
President Obama announced today that he plans to reduce drone casualties by replacing missiles with high-range 11 megavolt tasers.
View ArticleXbox One Capable Of Controlling Users With Simple Voice Commands
Microsoft says their new Xbox features a host of simple voice commands that will easily control and instruct gamers.
View ArticleSesame Street: 'Bert And Ernie Are Not Gay, They Are Depraved Pansexual...
Producers insist that the beloved characters are merely friends and that “gay” doesn’t remotely describe their bizarre underworld of sexual deviance.
View ArticleSochi’s Euthanized Dogs To Be Returned To Streets After Olympics
As the games wind down, officials are already starting to return the dead strays to the streets they once called home.
View ArticleJared Leto Thanks Acting For Being An Easy Thing That Anybody Can Do
The 'Dallas Buyers Club' star used his speech to thank the profession of acting for being a fun, easy job that everyone should try.
View ArticleJock Scientists Discover Gay Gene In Carl
Researchers today took a break from bullying their colleague Carl to announce to the world that Carl is a little pansy boy and that they are sick of him.
View Article